While the joke is funny, it's not a joke at all. Albeit nearly the entire female population can relate to the struggle of eating vs weight gain.
There isn't anyone who can determine for you whether or not you might be a diet-holic. Like any other addiction/attachment, you would need to come to that conclusion on your own. (And you might even call it a different name.)
If it helps at all, I acknowledged my diet/ weightloss/ body obsession addiction nearly two years ago. And here were my most predominant tell-tale signs:
1) I woke up thinking about my body and I went to bed thinking about my body.
2) I would dread going to parties or functions if I was having one of my so-called 'fat days'. I would even sometimes go as far as 'calling in sick' just to avoid going altogether.
3) My only motivation for working out was to lose weight. I didn't care that my body needed to move. All I cared about was whether or not I was burning fat.
4) I compared myself to other women all the time. For the most part, I thought I always fell short.
5) I denied and restricted myself from certain foods for long periods of time. Eventually, I'd find myself bingeing on them and I would hate myself for being so weak.
6) I was always dieting and trying new diets. At one point I was living off of protein shakes, lean cuisine meals and fat burning pills.
7) I never liked my body even when I was at my smallest. My body was never skinny enough.
8) I was a pro at losing weight quickly. If I needed to drop 5 pounds in a week, I could do it... hands down.
9) I would have given up almost anything in exchange for what I thought was my ideal body.
10) When I would confide in my friends about my life's problems, my problems were always related to my desperate desire to lose weight.
11) I fantasized about how great it would be to have a skinny body. I imagined the clothes I would wear and I imagined how others would admire me.
12) Sometimes I would cry because I wasn't skinny. I just couldn't understand why I couldn't have the body I so desperately wanted.
13) My happiness was determined by how I felt about my body. If I was feeling good about my body I had a great day. If I was having a fat day, my day would be miserable.
14) I absolutely avoided getting into a bathing suit even if it meant missing out on an exotic vacation.
15) I put my health on the line in order to be skinny.
16) I felt horribly guilty anytime I didn't workout or if I ate something I thought I shouldn't be eating.
17) I hung on to old clothes determined that I would eventually fit back into them.
18) I felt like a failure over and over again in my life because my body size wasn't what I thought it should be.
19) The size of my body ruled my life. I spent 15 years chasing a skinny body.
20) My need to be skinny eventually lead to depression.
These were my deepest pains. They were NOT normal despite my determined efforts to justify them.
I pour my heart out to you not because I love to air my dirty laundry but because if it helps one woman to acknowledge and change the way she sees, thinks and feels about her body then it makes it all worth it.